An Anachronistic Fairytale
by HolliiiCruiser
Summary: TwilightXPride&Prejudice Crossover. All human. Bella Swan, perpetually the new girl, meets Edward Cullen, and loathes him on the spot. But, is there more to him than his mocking eyes and sneering voice? And if there is, will she let herself realize it?
1. Prologue

**An Anachronistic Fairytale**

_Anachronism: __something or someone that is not in its correct historical or chronological time, esp. a thing or person that belongs to an earlier time_

"_It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife…" (From, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.)_

**Chapter One: First Impressions**

The lack of actual book learning that goes on in high school is amazing. High school really is just an excuse for teenagers to whisper to each other behind worn and tattered copies of what other people have deemed "the classics" and for them to see firsthand the specimens of the opposite sex. It's on a whole different level than middle school, and can't even seem to be in the same universe as elementary school.

The real learning experience of high school comes in the form of: _coupling_.

_Coupling 101._

The only class **most** teenagers see fit to spend their time studying. Thrown to the side are their Algebra and English textbooks as soon as the phone begins to ring or the computer begins to ding. While the grades suffer, they are inevitably passing the only "class" they give any thought to at all.

Woe is the handful of young adults that actually could really care less for who they were going to prom with, or who gave who what for Valentine's Day, or what _they _were going to get _them._

Take, for instance, Isabella Swan. _Bella_.

She was the new girl, so naturally she was something to be talked about. But, sooner than ever before, she was left alone. She rejected all dates, all dances, and all social activities. And, even worse, she actually _listened _and _participated _during class. So, before she had even become aware of it, she was written off as "one of those kids". You know, one of those kids who actually care what college they get into, if any at all. She was one of those girls who would rather spend her money on books than on clothes. She, all in all, was just one of those kids. She, in the eyes of her classmates, had nothing left to offer.

Second only to the lack of actual book learning is the abundance of labels in high school. It would be easier to have the students form a line at the beginning of the school year and stick a sticky note on each of their foreheads, branding them forever as a: nerd, jock, prep, diva, goth, loner, geek, fag, lesbian, haughty, snob….. the list goes on and on.

To use as an example, look at Edward Cullen. _Edward_.

Before Bella, he was the new kid. As soon as he set one foot through the door, he had a label: stuck up little rich kid. They didn't even give him a chance. He was the doctor's son, drove a brand-spanking-new Volvo, and dressed like he worked in a lawyer's office. Only one thing he possessed had the power to save him in the other kid's eyes: he was absolutely gorgeous. He had cheekbones like none other, had reddish-bronze hair that fell into his eyes in just the right way, and was just tall enough to look just so with over half the female student body, and his _eyes_! They were churning pools of liquid emeralds one day, and just a few days later, they had frozen into blocks of glittering green rock.

But, as it turned out, even all his beauty couldn't save his apparent personality, or non-personality. He kept to himself, which in itself was a punishable offense to the High School Elite. He spoke when someone asked him a direct question, and even then, gave short (although polite) answers that still managed to sound clipped. The girls soon stopped swooning, and the boys stopped threatening to wipe that "smug" look off of his face. He was all but forgotten.

He could walk up and down the halls and never catch a passing glance. Long gone were the days where he was followed by stifled whisperings and stunted giggles. For all anybody else cared, he could have skated up and down the rows of lockers wearing nothing but a Superman cape, and they _**STILL**_ wouldn't have noticed him. That seemed to suit him just fine.

So, day after day, he walked to class. Then he sat down. Then he paid attention. Then he received good grades. Then he sat by himself at lunch. Then he walked again to class. Then he paid more attention. Then he went home. Then it started all over again.

Until one day, someone _did_ give him a look. And it stopped him right in his repetitive tracks.


	2. His First Impression

**An Anachronistic Fairytale**

"…_He was looked at with great admiration for about half of the evening, till his manners gave a disgust which turned the tide of his popularity; for he was discovered to be proud, to be above his company and above being pleased…" (From Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.)_

**Chapter Two: Double Take**

He had been walking to his last class of the day, his eyes sliding over every person that passed him as if they didn't even exist in whatever dream world he was immersed in. He was about ten feet from the door, and as he stepped closer he extended one hand out smoothly to open it.

But before his hand could curl around the polished steel of the doorknob, he had unconsciously looked into the room through the window that made up the top half of the door, and his feet startled to a stop.

A _girl_ was on the opposite side he was, and she had already begun to swing open the door before he had reached it. She looked up, swinging fine brown hair out of her face as she lifted her head, and her mouth formed a little _O _of horror.She was going to hit him with the door, and there wasn't time to stop it.

He hadn't registered that fact yet, because as soon as he saw her his mind seemed to freeze. And, before he knew it, he was sent flying backward onto the cold, hard generic looking linoleum that makes up most non-descript high school hallway floors. He _knew_, rather than felt, that he had hit his head, because the girl had unknowingly lifted her small hand to the back of hers, looking down at him with eyes that were filled with pity and the acknowledging look that let him know that she knew how that exact burst of pain felt.

She hadn't hit him too terribly hard, she only took him amazingly off guard. She stepped outside of the offending door, trailing one hand off of the doorknob until it hung limply at her side. When she stepped beside him, she hung the same hand in front of his face, offering him a way up with a small, apologetic, and worried smile on her face. A small crowd had formed, thinking that a "domestic disturbance" was about to go down. He was getting more looks now than he had since his first day. It was unsettling to him, as was the girl looking down at him. He carefully grabbed the girl's hand, realizing that it was more of a gesture. She was so tiny, that if he were to relinquish the whole of his weight on her, she would very soon be on top of him on the floor. Something he wasn't too sure if he would object to, he shook his head to clear it, and afterwards regretted it as he winced at the pain in the aforementioned area it caused.

He tugged on her hand and pulled himself to his feet, letting go of the offending hand as soon as he could keep his balance.

"Are you alright? Maybe you should sit down… I've gotten a concussion for lighter falls than that… Which way is the Nurse's Office? I'll grab you a pack of ice. But what if you pass out? Isn't that bad? I'm supposed to keep you conscious, aren't I?" She half reached out her hand, spreading it out like she was going to give him a high-five, but was really about to smack him across the face to try to keep him awake. She lowered it at his icy glare. She babbled on and on, obviously flustered. She reached out once more to grab his hand, trying to pull him into the classroom. He flung his hand away from her, and registered the pained look that came into her eyes. He wanted to reach over and smooth it away; instead he clenched his hand into a fist.

"I'm perfectly fine, _Miss_." He sneered the last word. "I didn't fall that hard, and I'm not nearly as delicate as you." He said, shrugging past her into the classroom, where he took his accustomed seat in the back. She stood in the doorway a moment longer, confusion sweeping through her. Then, with one last glance, she flitted out of the room, somewhat ungracefully, but still managing to look appealing, he hated the thought as it passed through his head.

He didn't unclench his fist until he was sure she had had enough time to walk completely to the other end of the hallway.


	3. Aftershock

**An Anachronistic Fairytale**

"_Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us." (From Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen)_

**Chapter Three**

Alice Cullen finally stepped back from the closet she had spent the better part of two hours restocking, sighing with contentment as she smoothed back the hairs that had slipped from her ponytail. She turned to the two large black trash bags that lay a few feet from her and with a muffled grunt levered one over her shoulder, while dragging the other behind her.

She had just reached the bottom of the stairs when she heard the garage door creaking open. She hurriedly kicked the two trash bags into a small closet close to the side of the stairs.

She was just in time.

Edward Cullen had stepped through the door adjoining the garage to a side hallway of the house. He looked up just as Alice had softy clicked the door shut, giving her a rather surly "Hello."

Alice, who was long since used to her brother's slightly generic and generally depressed mood, smiled back brightly and nearly shouted, "Hello, baby brother!" only slightly containing her usual enthusiasm for annoying him.

He colored slightly at being called her "baby brother". She was no more than two years older than him, and he knew she hadn't even been out of diapers when he was born. But, choosing not to start a fight so soon after he arrived home, he headed into the living room and clicked on the unusually gigantic TV, not really caring what channel it was on.

She bounded into the room soon after him, deciding it would be better to break the news to him than to just let him discover her little "surprise" for him herself. He grudgingly slid over to allow her to sit next to him on the loveseat, and she plopped down before taking a deep breath and starting in.

"So," she began cautiously after a few moments, "how was school?'

He appeared not to have heard her, he looked like he was staring intently at the screen, but as she leaned closer she realized that his eyes had a slight glazed look to them. Like some baker had taken the watery icing used on doughnuts and painted over his eyes.

"Edward…" No answer.

"Edward!" She said again, a little louder this time.

"EDWARD!" She finally screamed at him, her lilting voice lending it a sound not as nearly as sharp as the name implies.

It seemed he turned to her reluctantly, as if he'd just been pulled from a deep sleep, but it seemed, for the moment, she had at least part of his attention."Edward, what's wrong with you? You seem out of it today, more than usual." She finished by gently nudging his shoulder.

He turned to look at her, a peculiar look in his eye she wasn't sure she'd seen there before, and slowly shrugged his shoulders.

"How was school?" Alice repeated, more cautious than before.

He turned back to face the TV, but not before she saw his cheeks colored, while the rest of his face paled. Someone was definitely peculiar about this whole conversation, and that was saying something. "Edward, just answer the question?!"

He seemed to struggle for words. "School was… different." He finished and smoothed his hair into his eyes. This was not the normal "Fine.", "Alright.", or "The usual," she usually received as an answer when she asked the question.

She continued to prod. "Different as in: I was totally bored out of my mind, or, I was smacked in my head and began to think that I was the next pope."

He smiled a small smile. "I'm going to have to go with a third choice." As he mulled that over, his smile slid off of his face like water and he looked uncomfortable again, but not altogether unpleasant.

She was done with chasing after his run-arounds. "And that would be…?"

The way he was fidgeting made her beyond suspicious. Edward was always still, composed, calm. The bright, hectic spots that colored his cheeks and forehead were as foreign to Alice as the meaning of class was to Bret Michaels. "It is certainly not any sort of a big deal or the start of a big fiasco, it just appears that I've…._I'veseemedtohavemetagirl._" He spit out the 

last few syllables in such a rush, Alice had to lean in to hear, and even then still didn't fully comprehend.

"Excuse me?" She laid her head on the back of the couch, still keeping one eye on Edward and trying in vain to hide her frustrated and bemused expression.

"Nothing, Alice, it was absolutely nothing. School was fine, just let's talk about this later." He quickly looked at her one last time, and she didn't miss the confused expression in his eyes, but then he was gone; bounding up the stairs and soon out of sight, no doubt into his room.

Alice glanced up at the clock, a mixed sigh coming out of her mouth. Half of it was exasperation for Edward, and his complete lack of social skills, and half was of relief, Jasper would be home soon from his classes and maybe he would have better luck talking to Edward.

Just the thought of Jasper's name improved Alice's outlook perceptibly. He was her true other half, despite their young age. She was perfectly fine to be missing out on the complicated emotions and games girls her age usually played. She was confident enough in Jasper and hers relationship to allow him to go off to college a couple of towns over every day for his psychology classes, something he seemed to have a real talent for. It didn't surprise her, he had always been able to guess her moods and help her define just exactly what was bothering her at any given moment. He was a year and an odd handful of months her senior, and it only slightly rankled her chains that she was still stuck in high school.

Jasper had lived with her from a young age, along with his older sister, Rosalie; his mother had been good friends with Alice's own mother, Esme. When Jasper was eight years old (and Rosalie, ten), his mother (who was a heavy traveler due to her job as a partner in a business 

firm) had been involved in a severe car crash on one of the nation's busiest highways. She didn't survive, and the children's dad had long since left. Esme, not willing to let any child suffer anywhere, much less the son and daughter of her best friend, somewhat sadly took them in; where they had stayed for the majority of the next decade. Rosalie had only just moved out, with Alice's older brother Emmett. Both were attending the same college, and Alice perceived with her natural knack, planning a wedding; although they had not yet made it official.

It took a short time for Rosalie to claim her rightful throne at the hands of Emmett when the Hale siblings had first moved in with the Cullen Clan; Rosalie had Emmett wrapped around her finger before the first week was through. Although she had been close to her mother, as close as a girl nearing her teenage years can be anyway, she did not feel the loss as sharply as her brother. Rosalie was light-hearted, but had a mean streak; and to those who did not know her, more often than not she came out as a diva. Jasper had long since learned to ignore her when one of her moods set in, and the Cullen's, with the exception of one, soon followed suit. Emmett made it his mission to set her mood right whenever, and however, he could. To the general surprise of all but himself, he usually succeeded.

After a while, it became clear the feelings the young Alice and Jasper had first thought to be "sibling" affection had blossomed into something more, and it wasn't too long after that that Emmett and Rosalie followed suit. That made Edward the odd man out, which seemed to suit him. He got along with all of his brothers and sisters, as much as could be allowed with their contrasting personalities, but thought of them only as that; his _brothers_ and _sisters._

The click of a doorknob being turned, a different one than the one Edward had opened, pulled Alice out of her daydreaming reverie and set a smile on her face, she raced to the front 

door just as a man with golden-blonde hair and a calm demeanor walked through, throwing a book bag down at his feet.

"Jasper!" Alice almost sang as she scooted to a stop in front of him, a glint Jasper knew only too well in her eye. "Just the man I wanted to see." After a quick kiss, she walked to the closet, and carefully pulled out the hidden, bulging trash bags, realizing just as a muffled yell of anger drifted down from above, she hadn't prepared Edward for the change she had made in his wardrobe.


	4. Different Perspectives

**An Anachronistic Fairytale**

"_And, taking her hand, he would have given it to Mr. Darcy, who, though extremely surprised, was not unwilling to receive it…" _From Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

**Chapter 4**

"A mortifying day to rival all other mortifying days." This articulate, although a bit over-dramatic, sentence was the answer Charlie Swan received from his daughter when, in a fit of fatherly- concern, he asked her how exactly was her first day? This, in fact, was not the answer he was hoping to get, expected to get, yes, but hoping against all hope not to receive.

He proceeded with caution, as all fathers usually do in a case like this. He waited until she had deposited her already unbelievably full bag (despite it being her first day on the job) upstairs, and then quietly followed her into the living room.

She flopped on the couch, much like a person that jumps off of a nearby tree limb lands on a trampoline. She folded her arms, forever the motion of a two-year old child, and pouted her lip out at him. He noticed she had changed; into baggy sweatpants and a raggedy hole-y t-shirt that had so many foreign stains on it he almost cringed. Into her pajamas already, not a good sign. Even his microscopic father-ly instincts told him that.

"So, it was bad?" He began the conversation, albeit lamely. It was open-ended though, a good move, sure to let her vent.

"Beyond bad. First off, I couldn't find a parking spot that would accommodate my expertly disguised tank. I ended up having to park in the grass, not a good start to my day, not to mention the legal consequences if you, my father, just would have happened not to have been the sheriff of this dear town. Plus, my eye was stinging still from the toothpaste I flung in it earlier, so I ended up crushing about half of the agriculture class' corn project. Then, during first period, 

I tripped and fell on air, catching myself on none other than my new Calculus teacher, and he crashed down with me. I guess I shocked him a bit. And if that wasn't enough, I guess the concussion I received from that, plus the near-blindness from the toothpaste fiasco (Crest will surely be hearing about that one from my lawyer), caused me to send one unfortunate boy flying." She unfolded her arms, only to cover her eyes with them. He saw with shock and horror that her face had turned her customary shade of tomato red, seen frequently, but only when she was embarrassed or angry.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well, honey, I'm sure he understood." He had barely gotten the sentence out when she sent him a glare icy enough to give a polar bear a brain freeze; it drained her face of all aforementioned color.

"He did not understand. He was rude, and distant, and cold. And he shunned me with his hand!" She threw out her hand, flopping it about like it was rubber to accent her outburst. She huffed once, and hopped to her feet.

"'Shunned you with his hand?'" He cracked a reluctant half-smile.

Bella lay back out on the couch, taking a few deep breaths. "Well, that's what it was. He sort of, acted like his hand was too good for my hand to touch. It was very upper-upper-OC-class."

The teen soap opera drama reference flew straight over his balding head. He walked over to the couch, smoothed Bella's hair back in a very affectionate gesture, and shrugged. "I'm sorry you had a bad day. How 'bout you whip us both up some lasagna to take your mind off of it?"

She grinned up at him, restraining her rolling eyes. "That's my dad, always looking out for me."

She was up to her elbows in watery red sauce. The chunks of tomato were her personal enemies, and the mushrooms that had before made the sauce so wonderfully chunky, now dipped and dodged out of the sponge's way. Bella, in a fit of rage, aimed to kill with the dish detergent, hitting a chunk of fungus square on. Her anger management came in the form of beating up helpless vegetables, and it definitely worked its magic.

Her boiling anger, and frothing embarrassment if she was being honest with herself (which she wasn't), had faded into a slightly-warmer-than-lukewarm yank on her chain. Maybe the boy had just been having a bad day, an off day? Maybe she imagined the hand-shunning; it certainly seemed a little dramatic now that she thought back on it. Tomorrow would be better, she was sure, and she probably wouldn't have to face the boy for at least a long enough stretch of time to allow her to look back on her folly and laugh with the gained perspective.

Finally, she took pity on the beaten and battered vegetable-remnants that had been stuck to the side of a clear, glass pan, but were now floating miserably in their own juices and water. With a flick of a switch, and a bend of her hand, she had sent them swirling down the garbage disposal. She gave the pan a quick rinse, the coldness of the water bringing her back from the Great Vegetable Battles, and set her mind on what still needed to be done.

She had a virtual college course of assignments to get to upstairs, the unfinished work was already screaming her name in the high, clear voice we've all heard before when we should be doing something we have no desire to do. Also, she had already been assigned maid duty for Hotel de Swan, and was severely behind on her duties, her father could only wear mismatched socks so many times without it just seeming pathetic.

The sounds of ESPN were filtering in from the living room, so loud and strong Bella could almost smell the sweat and Gatorade. Bella took a deep breath and moved into the center of the hallway, looking around dubiously. One road would take her to the washer, and the other would take her upstairs, to the Calculus that was beating around inside her brain. Calculus could wait; she didn't feel like starting out her second day of school in dirty jeans.

!!

Jasper Hale mounted the stairs with morbid fascination. One side of his brain was curious, what could be troubling Edward so much? He wasn't one to let things get to him, he was always in a bit of an off mood, but this seemed to be something more. Alice, usually not one to worry extensively, had looked up at him with her doe-like eyes, talking with a tender voice; "There's something wrong with Edward, Jasper. Maybe you could talk to him? Get the male-to-male perspective?" He knew it was a losing battle, he would talk to him, not just because of the pangs Alice's skittish glances up the stairs cost him, but also because of the mutual affection he felt for his "brother" of sorts.

On the other side, he tried to put himself in Edward's shoes. If it was something that would require some thinking to solve, he was better left off alone. Unless it was something so complicated he was overwhelmed and just trying to shield himself with it. Jasper prepared his mind for the worse, mentally listing things he was hoping not to expect.

He paused outside of Edward's door, listening quietly for a moment. There was a CD on, as usual. Jasper took it as a good sign. He hesitated for a moment, and then knocked on the door with three short flicks of his wrist. He heard a manic shuffle, and the CD suddenly stopped playing. After a few more moments, Edward swung the door open softly.

Jasper stepped in without being invited; he now knew instinctively that Edward would be ready to get it off his chest. He was right; Edward pulled him over to the couch the sat in front of his always open window immediately.

"Edward, Alice says something is wrong. Is she just being her usual over-perceptive self, or is there something you feel you need to talk about?" Jasper started out, his voice calm.

Edward rolled his eyes, trying hard to seem casual. "She's overreacting, like I knew she would. It's really not anything to make a big production about, well, it _shouldn't_ be. But, this is something I've never had to deal with before. This is the one area where I'm as clueless as I ever could be." He moved onto his feet, sliding behind the couch to glance out of the window.

Jasper swallowed. "I'm sure it's nothing we all can't handle, nothing we all can't help you get through." Edward rushed back over to stand in front of the couch; he was looking into Jasper's eyes. "No. If I tell you this you mustn't tell anyone! Emmett would have a worldwide field day with this."

Jasper leaned forward, eagerly interested. "What is it Edward? Stop with the Preamble and get to the Constitution!" He reached one hand out to swiftly poke him in the back.

Edward closed his eyes. "I've met a girl."

"And?" Jasper said, feeling a strong sense of anti-climax. He shifted slightly on the couch, making more room for Edward, who spread out tiredly.

"Well, I don't think she likes me. In fact, I know she's not very fond of me." His face went through several spasms, like he had just been poked with many sharp needles. Jasper watched his face closely for a few seconds.

"What did you do?" Jasper said, putting a hand on Edward's shoulder. The overhead light hit his face then, and Jasper could see with a shock the blush that spread like water over Edward's sharp face.

"She did knock me down first, and I was shell-shocked." Edward wasn't trying to make excuses, Jasper could tell, he was just trying to defend himself. "I was going into my last period, and I wasn't particularly paying attention, you know how I get sometimes. I reached out to open the door, and my hand just brushed the doorknob, when the door flew open and crashed into me. I looked up, from my new position on the floor, and I saw _her._ She was so embarrassed, you should have seen her face, and I'd never seen a deeper, richer shade of red. The closest thing I could compare it to would be the Red Velvet cake Emmett had for his birthday last year and that doesn't even come close. She apologized over and over, stuttering and mumbling, she even tried to slap me once, to keep me awake from the concussion she was under the impression that I had. But, I waved her off, and wasn't so polite to her. I must have hurt her feelings very bad, although she didn't show it much." Edward's face had faded into a hard mask of excruciation.

"And you were still on the floor the whole time this episode was underway?" Jasper said, unable to hid his silent laughter when Edward opened one eye to glare at him disdainfully. "I mean, surely you let her help you up?" He carried on quickly, noting the blazing feeling still lingering in Edward's gaze.

"I did, of course. Not every ounce of my manners had totally abandoned me. She was so tiny though, she would have fallen right on top of me if I would have actually pulled!" His face, once again, grew red. Embarrassed. Not an emotion Jasper was used to being associated with his youngest brother.

"The only logical choice I see for you here is to just apologize to her, and then act like nothing ever happened. You don't think you have feelings for this girl, do you?"

Edward, thankfully, was saved from answering by a light knock on his door.

His mother stepped in, not one for waiting to be granted permission. She sat in the middle of them, so that the couch was filled completely. "Hello boys, how was your day?" She did not stop to wait for the generic answers she was used to receiving. "Can both of you get changed, something nice, and meet your father and me downstairs in a few minutes? We're going to go over and welcome Chief Swan's daughter to town. She's in your grade, Edward, did you know? Alice, Rose, and Emmett are already ready, so hurry up." She flitted out of the room, excited for the new acquaintance she was about to make. And the girl was the same age as Edward! Maybe, finally, he'd actually start to date… Her mind flew ahead with all the quickness and future visions that occupy all mothers' heads at one time or another.

Meanwhile, back in what was fast becoming Edward's Room of Doom; Edward stared at Jasper in horror. "You don't think? I never really caught her name… It couldn't be?" He fidgeted uncomfortably, looking to Jasper to lift his pain.

"It could be. Think about it, how many new families do we get here? Not to mention just one new occupant. I think you should apologize; her father _is_ the Chief of Police. We don't want you to get thrown in jail for battery, along with a misdemeanor of rudeness to the Chief's daughter."

!!

**Author's Note:**

**FINALLY! I have finished Ch. 4! I'm so proud of myself…**

**Anyways, I know it's a little slow right now, but I need to set up the drama before the drama can play out!**

**So, keep reading…**

**It's like ****To Kill A Mockingbird, ****you hate the first half, but it's all worth it once you hit about Page 200, although, mine surely won't be that long.**

**Thanks so much for reading! Also, more thanks than it would be necessary, or sane, to my wonderful beta!**

**Holli-Loves-Edward.**


	5. A Not So PrivatePrivate Monologue

**An Anachronistic Fairytale**

" '_But I can assure you," she added, "that Lizzy does not lose much by not suiting _his_ fancy; for he is a most disagreeable, horrid man, not at all worth pleasing. So high and conceited, that there was no enduring him' "_

**Chapter 5!**

Edward considered himself good at Physics; he had, after all, earned an outstanding A+ in it. He felt fairly confident that he could solve the problem presented to him.

If you were traveling on a semi-smooth, flat stretch of rural roadway leading to the Sherriff's house, whose daughter just happened to be the girl that you, for lack of a better term, verbally smacked in the face, in a car about a foot and a half off the ground and going at the exact posted speed-limit, which happened to be 35 mph, would the impact be enough to kill you if you pulled open the car door and slid out?

Well, velocity times the movement of the car plus the size of his head minus the speed of the wind would equal that, no, it would not kill him, but it might just cause him enough brain damage to erase the day's events from his mind. Then again, he might have overestimated the mass of his noggin and it would only render him unconscious, which, still, he amended himself, would work out nicely for the given situation.

But, time just wasn't on his side. He had just curved his hand around the door handle when Carlisle slid to a smooth stop in front of what Edward knew to be the Swan residence. The police cruiser parked in the driveway served as a calling card.

The rest of the family piled out, after Emmett and Rosalie had pulled up behind them, stopping just before the two cars connected.

"Come on, Edward. Get out of the car. This is your chance to show this Ms. Swan just how debonair you can be." Jasper called, walking back towards the car. "Just remember to keep a good distance back when she opens the door." He snickered slyly.

Jasper was right, weak-teasing aside. This was his only chance to repair what had been a dastardly first impression, he could work things to his advantage, and end the night without a thought in the world.

Because, he told himself, he wasn't thinking about the girl in particular, just the situation with the girl. He wasn't constantly picturing her eyes in his mind, comparing them to Hershey's Kisses, mahogany, or coffee to find the closest color match. (It was coffee by the way.) And he wasn't imagining how soft her hair would be, or the warmth her skin had radiated when she had almost slapped him.

He was thinking about what he was compelled to do by the manners that drove him, the manners that had been ground into him since infancy. He would apologize to the girl, play it smooth, and put it all behind him, never wasting another minute fretting over her.

Right…

It was with a new, slightly awkward spring in his step that he approached the door just as Carlisle reached out to ring the doorbell. It tinkled in the silent evening, and Jasper gave Edward a subtle wink.

Or not so subtle.

"Why are you winking at Edward?" Alice asked, too loudly in Edward's mind.

"What? I didn't wink." Jasper said softly, trying to pass off his shifty eyes as polite staring. The doorbell rang out like a warning signal.

"Yes, you did. What are you winking at?" She turned to Edward. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." He smiled tightly.

"That's what you told me earlier, and then you ran upstairs. Did you do something illegal?" She turned and glanced at Carlisle, who only looked at Edward questioningly.

"No, Alice, I did not do anything illegal." Edward exasperated.

"Of course he didn't Alice! What are you going on about?" Emmett snickered.

Edward clapped him on the back. "Thank you, Emmett."

"You're welcome, Edward. Everyone knows you're too much of a prude to even come close to breaking a _rule_, much less a _law_. I don't even think I've seen you not follow a _guideline_." Rosalie and Alice giggled into their hands. Edward never understood why girls did that. Did they actually think it took some of the offense out of laughing at someone just to put their hand up to their mouth? It just called attention to it, that was the only effect it had. Made someone feel worse, that's what it accomplished.

Edward reached his hand up to smack Emmett in the forehead just as the door slid open. "Whoa there buddy, don't make me take you in for aggravated battery." Chief Swan stood in the doorway, leaning against one side, with his arms crossed.

"No, sir! I'm sorry, sir! He had it coming though…" He shot Emmett a dirty glance before continuing his begging. He couldn't go to jail; he had a very promising future ahead of him. One filled with college, and a sports car, and a girl with long hair to ride in his sports car beside him in a cliché movie moment. A future filled with a promising career and little bitty Edward-ian babies that had coffee colored eyes and were gracefully clumsy…

Not a future filled with neon-orange jumpsuits and dysfunctional relationships with questionable women that visited him on conjugal visits once every four months. He had his innocence to preserve, after all. It was all he had left to himself… Not to mention fights, he was sure to get picked on in jail, maybe even physically and emotionally scarred for life.

Only when he had to stop for air did Edward realize that he had spilled his private monologue to everyone that stood before him. And with another sickening blow to his self-esteem, Ms. Swan had chosen to join them. Her hair swirled down around her shoulders, and covered one eye. She had cocked her head, staring at him worriedly.

His family was glancing away from him, while his father shook Chief Swan's hand and they were all invited in. Alice stayed behind, biting her lip with ferocity, choking sounds issuing from her throat. Only when her eyes began to water did she finally chuckle, throwing a hand up to her mouth to stifle it.

"Oh, put your hand down, Alice! You're ridiculous." He spat, shoving past her and stepping onto the hardwood floor just past the doorway.

"Yes, Edward, I'm the ridiculous one. Mr. Too-Innocent-For-Jail." She giggled once again, probably just to spite him, and then closed the door behind herself. "Well, we should go in, I can't wait to see how much deeper you dig your hole."

Edward only stepped farther into the house, choosing not to dignify her with a response.

**Author's Note: So, nothing happened in this chapter, imagine that! Nothing's happening in this story, imagine that one too! But, I promise things will start to get rolling along in the next chapter, this one is just sort of an introduction to the magic, or something like that, I never really know what I'm talking about.**


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